Ginger balls leads Dub to victory

Ormeau Park, Sunday 21 December 2003, 1:30PM

Dub FC (3)6 Glencolin Swifts (1)2

Dub got back to winning ways with an important win over mid table Glencolin on a freezing day at Ormeau Park. The side was rejigged by Kaiser Kernan in the absence of midfield maestro Mullan, with the threat of a quick substitution for any of the starting eleven if the attitude of last week's second half re-appeared. As it turned out, this was a week where reputations were made and destroyed...

With Glencolin starting with 8 men as they waited on a carload of players to arrive, Dub pressed forward and opened the scoring as early as the 3rd minute, Phil providing the assist for Cormac. The Dub defence smelt goals, with centre halves Harvey and Doherty making runs into the box like a couple of fattened turkeys being pursued by the Christmas butcher. And indeed the second goal arrived via the defence, but it was from the boot of angry young man McGaughey after a fine run and "21" shout to encourage Cormac to release the ball. Rumours were that Kernan had deposited some shepherd's pie in his shorts, such were the ferocity of McGaughey's demands for the ball.

Strong running by fullbacks Murphy and McGurk with the Dub midfield kept Glencolin under siege in their own half. At the end of a great run down the right wing, the tireless McToal produced a low drive across the face of the goal, finding Cormac at the back post with an empty net to aim at. The Dub forward, in a truly awful, terrible, worst-miss-ever-type blunder, somehow managed to kick his own leg rather than the ball from 18 inches out, and the score remained unchanged. Regardless of how other web site stats work out at the end of the season, surely this means that Cormac is hot favourite for at least one award.... [remember Adelaide on 26 October Shane? - editor]

With 11 Glencolin men now on the pitch, Dub now got a bit lazy and their CONCENTRATION (copyright) faded. A dreadful mix-up in front of goal by the Dub defence resulted in an easy tap in for Glencolin, and they were undeservedly back in the match. You'd think after the Christmas do revelations that Smyth and Harvey shared double chocolate lattes that would know each other's names! However, this was the wake-up Dub needed, and despite the blizzard conditions, the yellows slowly raised their game (well, mostly - though the less said about the embarrassing nutmeg dealt to McCusker on the edge of the box, the better). Madden continued his impressive scoring form with another goal to leave Dub 3-1 up at the break [correction: C Kernan scored direct from corner - editor].

After a half time team-talk littered with "crucial", "3 points", "work hard" and most importantly, "don't flash your balls in the middle of the game", Dub were geared up for the second 38 minutes. Another goal soon arrived - via a cool Phil penalty after one of the Glencolin defenders tried to save himself a 10 min round trip by running through Cormac rather than round him. Ten minutes later, a trademark Dickson rasping corner from the right was met by Cormac, but Sean Doc stole the limelight by the making contact just before the ball crossed the line. Michael Smyth would have been proud of the roar which followed.

Then came perhaps the best moment of the game. Cappuccino McToal received the ball at the half way line and sprinted towards the Glencolin box. Ghosting past the defender, he rifled a 15 yard drive into the net - surely a contender for goal of the season. The only downside is that Cormac may well claim the assist as the ball bounced off his arse to start off the move. Lies, damn lies and statistics.

6-1 up but plenty more drama was still to come.

Firstly, Sean D produced an excellent tackle in the Dub box, for which the ref awarded a penalty to Glencolin. So infuriated was the Dub centre half with this decision, that in true "Bitch of the year" style, he removed his shirt and started to walk off the field of play, shrieking like he probably did at the Justin Timberlake concert earlier in the week. However, Art persuaded the big man to stay on the pitch ("we need you, Sean!"), and then promptly subbed him 2 minutes later for his lack of discipline. Tis the season of goodwill.

Then came the moment which defined the match, with the arrival of BigChiefDick Magee on the field. Art quickly seemed to have spotted something no one else yet had, as he informed the subs that John was truly presenting his credentials. Carry-on film giggles on the sideline turned to stoney silence as the full horror of the situation unfurled. Expecting to see no more than a fun sized crunchie peaking out of Magee's shorts, the Dub subs were instead confronted with a full frontal shot of Magee's landing gear as he sped towards them down the wing. Surely such a sight had not been seen since Linford "lunchbox" Christie graced the olympic 100m track, albeit this time in miniature format. But, as Magee latter remarked, it was a very cold day. Still, it's put all the Dub subs off fanta for life.

Referee's choice for man of the match: Ryan McGaughey. Everyone else's choice: Pete McToal.

Squad

Neil Smyth, Shane Murphy, Mark Harvey, Sean Doherty (sub 60 mins), Gareth Dickson, Shane McCusker (sub 49 mins), Peter McToal, Ryan McGaughey, Cormac Kernan, Kevin Madden (sub 63 mins), Phil Doherty

Subs

John Quinn (49 mins), Michael Smyth (60 mins), John Magee (63 mins)

Match Statistics

Goals	Cormac Kernan (2) Sean Doherty Ryan McGaughey Phil Doherty Peter McToal
Assists	Cormac Kernan (2) Mark Harvey Phil Doherty Kevin Madden
Yellow cards	-
Red cards	-
Man of the match	Ryan McGaughey