Dub Steal Result - Others Steal Valuables

Ormeau Park, Sunday 23 February 2003, 1:30PM

Dub FC (0)5 Brookvilla FC (0)1

This week's match report contains excerpts from the upcoming novel "Descriptions Of All My Goals" by Gareth Dickson, which had been classified as fiction until only last Sunday.

At 1:15pm, chaos reigned at Ormeau Park in the pre-match build up, as the Dub players slowly began to arrive - rumours that Fuhrer Kernan was not turning up this week had obviously relaxed the mood a little. Brookvilla's clashing yellow kit meant a frantic change to a borrowed blue 'n' white number for Dub, and a very stretched no.7 shirt being returned to the team who swapped with us a couple of hours later. However, our pre-match problems were not yet over. When sockwasher Harvey turned up at 1:30pm, the socks were perfectly clean, but back in his house. Only at this point did we realise we had last year's spare socks all along, and with seconds to spare, 11 Dub FC players made it onto the pitch for 1:45pm.

Dub started surprisingly well, and produced a couple of promising attacks. An early Dub corner looked innocuous until Gareth, proving that yoga isn't just for the ladies, somehow managed to get his foot to the ball at head height and send a looping shot into the top of the net. This "stunning bicycle kick reminiscent of Trevor Sinclair's 20-yarder for QPR" will surely last as long in the memory as Trevor Sinclair's original effort, or West Ham's final year in the Premiership.

Dub rallied from this and produced another goal soon afterwards, a fine through pass from Chris H finding its way to Chris S to slot past the hapless keeper. Dub started to play the free flowing football that had been threatened all season, but this only lasted till the first Brookvilla corner, when free-flowing shite defending replaced it. Corner, faff, breaking ball, goal were the key points in an all-too-familiar move.

However, Dub's promising attacks continued, at least as far as the final attempt at goal. In almost the last move of the first half, a run by Chris H down the right wing ended with a fine cross into an unmarked area of the Brookvilla box. Ended, since the attempt at connecting to the cross with a header by Shane Mc is best left out of the history books. As are the supportive comments from the Dub defence soon after. Half time 2-1.

Dub re-started in determined form, mindful of some poor 2nd half performances recently. Chris H settled the nerves after about 10 mins, sending the full back the wrong way and then hitting a drive from 20 yards that the keeper could only wave at before it hit the back of the net. 3-1 and Dub were getting better and better. John Q again showed his defence splitting talents - this time however, the result was a through ball to Shane Mc with only the keeper to beat. Showing true consistency with earlier efforts, a faffed shot was the result. However the breaking ball fell to Chris H, who hit the post, allowing Gareth to complete the "devastating attack" by slotting in Dub's 4th goal off the underside of the crossbar.

Dub's goal tally was not complete, as 10 mins later Gareth ran onto another through ball, using "cat-like reflexes to beat the offside trap" and produce a cool finish to complete his "glorious hat trick". The three fingered salute which followed is now the subject of a Dub FC disciplinary hearing, to be discussed after 10 pints of Carlsberg on Friday night.

The game came to a premature end as the Brookvilla subs discovered that our changing rooms had been plundered while the game was on, several players losing mobile phones, wallets and money. In a break with tradition, John Q actually managed to keep his mobile, a boast that will no doubt be turned around by about 2am on Sat morning...

Goals: Hodgkinson, Sherrard, Dickson x3

Official MOM: J Quinn but this has been overruled and it has been awarded to hat-trick hero- Dickson

Kit fine - fourth time this season - different socks

Referee: D Campbell

Squad

Chris Sherrard, Liam Gillen, Michael Smyth, Shane Murphy, Mark Harvey, Gareth Dickson, John Quinn, Shane McCusker, John Magee (sub 70 mins), Ryan McGaughey, Chris Hodgkinson

Subs

Kevin Hart (70 mins)

Match Statistics

Goals	Gareth Dickson (3) Chris Hodgkinson Chris Sherrard
Assists	-
Yellow cards	-
Red cards	-
Man of the match	Gareth Dickson